Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize