i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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