he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
