I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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