Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
