he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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