did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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