I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
