I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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