omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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