Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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