Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
