i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize