nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
only if we run a train.
done.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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