I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
