True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
