she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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