Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
