I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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