In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
