3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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