i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
