ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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