there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently you make a good broom.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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