yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
