If that was your dad, he is hot
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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