haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
