Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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