Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
