The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I understand Curling. That high.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
