It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize