I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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