planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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