it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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