when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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