"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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