Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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