I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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