Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
