What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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