I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
