you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
