Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
