I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
