Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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