As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize