I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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