is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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