im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
