it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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