So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You dont lie about slip and slides
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
