I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
