My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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