there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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