i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
