How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
