Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
