Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im holly from the hills drunk
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
