I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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