I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there is puke in my bra ... again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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