Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
