so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His hands were made for my vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
