On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
