I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
