I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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