I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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