Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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