she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize