Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
