I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
