Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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