Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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