Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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