The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
