By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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