I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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