I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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