Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize