So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
