Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
