I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Randomize