CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
