'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
