She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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