The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
