I want to have your abortion
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize