go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
