ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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