We won't sleep together?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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