My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
