Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
