Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
