The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
