Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
