Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
