Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
