apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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