i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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