I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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