ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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